The subconscious mind plays a huge role in both dating and
relationships. All human encounters are profoundly affected by the
subconscious signals we are constantly sending and receiving. Holding
someone's gaze indicates interest. Standing up straight indicates
physical health and self-confidence. Below our usual level of awareness
lies a subconscious rationality that is constantly feeding us
information - good information - based upon years of experience in
observing other human beings.
[Photo: Twist-front camisole by Banana Republic]
When we're dating, we tend to become more aware of these observations. We pay close attention to what the other person wears, to their body language, to how he or she behaves toward us. We are tuned in to this "animal brain" dialog because we are looking for indications of interest and compatibility. But what happens when a relationship becomes "solid" and those animal brains drop back below the surface?
Well, they're still there, of course, still feeding us information. So when that partner stops looking interested in our ideas, or stops leaning into the conversation in that "I like you" kind of way, or stops dressing to catch our attention, we notice. We might not always know exactly what we're noticing, but we notice. And we understand that the relationship just doesn't seem to have the "zing" that it used to.
So here's one simple way to put a little life back into that relationship: start dressing like you're interested... again.
[Photo: Dark pinstripe shirt by Gap]
It's easy when you're in a long-term relationship to start thinking that it doesn't really matter what you wear. This person loves you for you, so why not wear that favorite T-shirt and those blue jeans instead of putting in the effort? Well, there's certainly nothing wrong with being comfortable. But never dressing up for your partner sends a loud "animal brain" message: I'm not interested in you anymore.
Is that what you're trying to say? Of course not. It probably isn't even how you feel. But the animal brain beneath the conscious mind doesn't care about intentions. It just reads the signs.
Dressing down does send positive messages about our comfort level. It says, "I know you love me no matter what." But dressing up sends positive messages about our sexual interest. It says, "I think you're hot, and I want you to remember just how hot I can be too." Without these sexual signals to balance out that comfort level, any relationship can start to feel just a bit too "chummy."
And while the advice applies equally to both sexes, it's especially important for men to remember that their wardrobe matters. Women have plenty of ways to send visual signals of sexual interest: make-up, perfume, feminine clothing, sexy shoes, lingerie. But guys, even with your more limited options, you're still sending definite signals to your partner. A little cologne and a button-down shirt - especially coupled with a nice dinner that she doesn't have to make - will go a long way toward reminding your lady just why she fell for you in the first place.
