Me: "That's right. I've been trying to close the account, but for some reason the system left two cents in the account so it hasn't been officially closed out."

Banking Agent: "OK, Ma'am. I'll be glad to help you with that. Would you like us to send you a check for the balance?"

Me: "Either way is fine. It's only two cents. I really don't care about the two cents. I just want to close the account so this won't happen again. Last month they charged me a management fee on the account. When I called, they were nice enough to refund the charge, but apparently they still didn't close the account."

Banking Agent: "Fine. I'll be happy to send you a check for the final balance. The account is now closed. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

Me: "No, thank you."

Banking Agent: "Thank you for banking with [Big Bank Name]. If you need further assistance, please call [Customer Assitance Phone Number]."

The problem was, it still didn't happen. I kept getting two-cent statements every month. Finally, after about five or six months of this nonsense, I had had enough. Cold politeness was replaced by open aggravation. That call went something like this...

[Photo: Rockem Sockem Robots by Mattel Inc.]

Me: "LOOK, I'VE BEEN CALLING THIS BANK FOR MONTHS! I JUST WANT TO CLOSE THE [MILD EXPLETIVE] ACCOUNT! THERE'S ONLY TWO CENTS IN IT FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! WHO KEEPS TWO CENTS IN A MONEY MARKET ACCOUNT??? YOU'RE TRYING TO CHARGE ME A QUARTERLY MANAGEMENT FEE ON AN INVESTMENT OF TWO CENTS!!!"

Banking Agent: "OK, Ma'am. I'll be glad to help you with that. Would you like us to send you a check for the balance?"

Me: "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE AGENT SAID LAST MONTH! HOW DO I EVEN KNOW YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO DO IT? EVEN IF YOU SAY THE ACCOUNT IS CLOSED, HOW WILL I KNOW THAT'S TRUE?"

Banking Agent (still coldly polite): "Ma'am, I'm looking at your account right now. It's already closed."

Me: "IT CAN'T BE CLOSED! THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID LAST MONTH! AT FIRST THEY SAID IT WAS CLOSED, AND THEN THEY SAID THEY CLOSED IT AGAIN, AND THEN I GOT ANOTHER STATEMENT SAYING I HAVE AN OPEN ACCOUNT WITH A BALANCE OF TWO CENTS! TWO CENTS!!!"

Banking Agent (same unflappable tone): "Ma'am, I don't know what happened last month, but I know the account is closed. According to the system, the account is closed."

Me (completely losing it): "I DON'T CARE WHAT THE SYSTEM SAYS!!! IT'S NOT CLOSED!!! I WOULDN'T BE GETTING STATEMENTS IF IT WAS CLOSED!!! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE??? I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THAT POLITE TONE EVERYONE KEEPS USING TO TELL ME THE ACCOUNT IS CLOSED!!! IT'S NOT CLOSED, AND I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH THIS FOR MONTHS, AND NOBODY SOUNDS EVEN REMOTELY SORRY ABOUT THAT!!! I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A SINGLE APOLOGY FROM ANYONE THERE ABOUT ANY OF THIS, AND THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS SOUND JUST A LITTLE BIT SORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE THING!!!"

Banking Agent (finally sounding aggravated): "Look, I didn't do it, OK? I AM sorry if it's really as bad as you say, but I didn't do it and you don't need to yell at me! You've been dealing with this for months? Well I answer phones every day and listen to people yell at me for things I didn't do, and I DON'T HEAR ANYONE SOUNDING VERY SORRY ABOUT THAT EITHER!!!"

I was stunned. I was finally talking to a real human being! You might think her attitude would have made me even angrier, but her emotional outburst did quite the opposite. In a single instant, it broke down the barrier between us, and I started laughing.

[Photo: Playmobil Bank Counter by Playmobil USA Inc.]

"You're right," I said, composing myself. "It isn't your fault. And I'm sorry I yelled at you. I've just been having a terrible day. My boyfriend and I have been arguing, we've both been traveling and haven't seen each other in weeks, we haven't been spending enough time with the kids, I'm finally home and now the dog's sick, he's been throwing up all morning, and this new two-cent statement was just the last straw. I'm not usually like this, I'm just feeling completely overwhelmed today. But I shouldn't have yelled at you. None of that has anything to do with you."

Rather than hearing the usual stony silence, I was actually met through the course of this honest revelation with sympathetic comments like "oh, no" and "oh, that's hard, I know" and "oh, that's ok, I understand."

When I was done she replied, "I'm sorry you've been dealing with all that. I know how you feel. And this statement couldn't have made any of that any easier. Here, let me check on something for you. Give me just a minute."

Miracle of miracles, she investigated the matter further and discovered the underlying problem. She closed the account for good, I never received another statement, and we parted friends.

Is it a coincidence that the person who finally made an emotional connection with me was the same person who finally took the extra time to discover the real problem and close the account? Absolutely not. Would I recommend yelling at customer service agents? Absolutely not! And had I continued to yell at this particular agent, I'm sure the event would have had an entirely different ending.

But in this case, my outbursts prompted her to get emotional too, and that's what broke the ice. When I responded to her own outburst in a supportive, apologetic way, the "robot" spell was broken, and she became personally invested in helping me solve my problem. That's the real key to great customer service - that feeling of personal investment.

The biggest thing I try to teach customer service departments everywhere is that people are emotional creatures. It's one thing to be professionally friendly. Using slang terms, complaining about co-workers, grumbling about the job - all these and more are good reasons to teach your customer service reps to be "professional." But "professional" doesn't mean "cold" or "unfriendly." It means things like "intelligent," "polished," and "polite," but it doesn't mean "inhuman."

[Photo: Roboraptor by Wow Wee International Ltd.]

In trying to train their staff not to alienate customers with inappropriate comments, too many customer service departments go too far the other way, alienating customers with the robotic face of "professionalism." These departments try to solve the problem of inappropriateness by taking all the human elements out of the picture, replacing caring individuals with automatons, trained rigorously to stick to the script at any cost. But that cost is often the customer's loyalty.

So how does a good customer service department gain professionalism without losing basic humanity? Good hiring practices, genuine employee partnership, in-depth training, lots of practice, plenty of supportive feedback & some old-fashioned trust.

First, hire good people. That goes without saying. Second, take care of the people you hire. Find out where they want to go in life, and do everything you can to help them get there. If you're doing right by them, they'll want to do right by you. Third, in-depth training doesn't have to be formal or lengthy, but it has to be substantively deep. Don't just tell your employees what to do, tell them why they need to do it. If they understand your ultimate goals, they'll have a much better chance of meeting them.

Fourth, give your employees a chance to get the hang of things. Provide a supportive environment in which they can learn what you expect of them. Which leads to number five, give your employees useful feedback, being encouraging when they succeed as well as letting them know what you would like them to do differently. Feedback is critical to all learning systems, and positive feedback is a critical element of a supportive learning environment.

Finally, trust that you have done the first five things well, and then trust your employees to do the rest. Employees can't be friendly, engaging human beings if someone's either scripting all their words or watching over their shoulders every second of the day. Let them know you're there if they need you, and then stand back and let them do their jobs. Connecting to your customers starts with connecting to your own employees. Take care of them, and they will take care of you.

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