The new web-based home of Wet Ink... is up and running! There's a ton of science fiction and fantasy news, over a dozen new and upcoming releases, a couple of surprise announcements about authors appearing on the blog in July, and so much more.

And don't forget, we're giving away a free copy of a Jim C. Hines Goblin Adventure book. So tune in after midnight tonight and see what's new!

Author Simon Haynes has posted a complete book outline on his blog, in case you'd like to see what a finished one looks like. All I can say is...

Wow.

Here's the outline:
http://halspacejock.blogspot.com/2007/06/entire-hal-4-outline-right-here.html

You can find the software he used to create it here:
http://freemind.sourceforge.net/wiki/index.php/Main_Page

Wet Ink... has grown by leaps and bounds over these past six months, and there just isn't enough room to fit it all into an e-mail anymore.

Not by a long shot!

So coming July 1st--just four more days!--look for the first issue of Wet Ink... to hit the World-Wide Web. It's jam-packed chock-full of all kinds of news from the speculative fiction genre: new and upcoming releases, book reviews, chances to win free books, and a whole host of fun stuff dedicated to the many wondrous worlds of imagination.

Did I mention free books?

Win a Free Book, with Free Worldwide Shipping!

To celebrate the new online version of Wet Ink..., we're giving away a free copy of the Jim C. Hines' Goblin Adventure book of your choice, either Goblin Quest or Goblin Hero. (Drawing to be held July 31.) Sign up here for Wet Ink... by e-mail and select "Wet Ink" and "Goblin Book Drawing" for your chance to win!

Simon Haynes, author of the Hal Spacejock series, has a wonderful article up on his site entitled "Getting unstuck." I ran across it while gathering items for the July newsletter, and I thought I'd pass it along. It contains concrete suggestions on the process of writing a novel, the article is blissfully compact, and the advice in it is both sound and direct. I highly recommend it.

I also highly recommend his article entitled "How to plot your novel." This is the first article I've run across with specific details on how to go about the task, including a link to the free, open source software he uses to help him in the process, and some actual screen shots of a work in progress to show you how it looks.

When I saw it, I thought, "My God! This is brilliant!" See what you think...

EM: Welcome to the new Monday Morning Edition of The Cobblestone Cafe here at the world of EM Sky. It's one heaven of a kick-off, I have to say, because I have the incredible fortune of sitting here in the EM Sky studios with none other than Tymalous Shadowstar Himself, God of the Goblins. Welcome, Tymalous!

TYMALOUS: Thanks, EM. And please, call me Tymalous. Or 'God of the Autumn Star,' if you want to be formal.

EM: 'God of the Autumn Star'... Why, that certainly has a nice ring to it. Some unfortunate initials though, hmm? So, Tymalous, why goblins? You are a god, aren't you? Why not stick with the more traditional races: humans, elves, dwarves...?

TYMALOUS: You should have seen my temple back in the old days. The blood paintings of the Xantock warrior elves, the long-winded stone carvings of the Undermountain dwarf clans . . . I was quite the deity back then. But eventually, well, let's just say even gods sometimes bite off more than they can chew. A bit like goblins, really. And remember, my purpose is to help and protect my followers. Who needs protecting more than those vicious, squabbling little fellows?

EM: Well there's a refreshing attitude. Sounds like you're taking your change of circumstances pretty well. You really don't mind having been forgotten?

TYMALOUS: I had a good run, and who knows what the future holds. Everything happens for a reason, right? Sure, sometimes the reason is that you did something stupid, but there's always a reason. Perhaps it's for the best. This path brought me to Jig and his fellow goblins. I've been able to help some of them, easing their wounds, comforting their fears . . . not to mention more practical improvements. Goblin hygiene is nothing to boast about, but you should have seen them before I came along. The toe fungus alone was enough to make a god weep.

EM: Um, nothing against your new followers, but I'm sure I speak for everyone here in the studio when I say... eeewww... Still, it sounds like you might be warming up to the little guys. Good news, since my sources tell me you've signed an exclusive contract with author Jim C. Hines to appear in his goblin adventure series. How's that working out for you? Have you enjoyed working with Jim?

TYMALOUS: For the most part, I've been quite pleased. Word of mouth is everything for a god trying to reestablish his following, you know. I wouldn't mind getting a bit more page time, but when I mentioned that, Hines just got this evil look in his eyes and chuckled. And . . . well . . . the first time he described me in Goblin Quest, he implied I was losing my hair! He nearly earned himself a smiting with that paragraph. Personally, I think he's projecting his own issues. Have you seen his latest author photo? Compare that to my luxurious silver locks, and you'll see what I mean.

EM: Hey, you won't get any argument from me. I love the hair. Absolutely smashing! But just between us, Tymster, I have to ask: is this glitter gel or what? That sparkling seventies je ne sais quoi... Wow, I wish our listeners could see this... like a million tiny disco lights... It can't be natural. How do you do it?

TYMALOUS: Why thank you! It's an inherent effect of the overlap between my corporeal form sitting here with you and the archetypical manifestation of my power in the divine realm, which mortals perceive as the autumn star. In other words, the star is as much "me" as this body, and some of that tends to shine through. It's a god thing. That's why my old friend Ipsep, god of the sea, was always plucking seaweed out of his hair and . . other places.

EM: So does that mean you sparkle... um... everywhere?

TYMALOUS: Wouldn't you like to know. Actually, a lot depends on the lighting. Something in your studio really brings out the shine. I may have to copy this setup for my temple.

EM: Well all right then. Glad to be of service. No pun intended, of course... But Tym, I have to ask, does your girlfriend get into the whole divine shimmery thing? I assume you have a girlfriend. Or at least one or two, shall we say, ardent followers? How about telling our listeners what the god dating circuit is really like, hmm? Give us the inside scoop.

TYMALOUS: The divine dating scene can be interesting. I remember Taras used to manifest as a giant turtle to proposition mortal girls. Or was it a tortoise? Taras was a bit of a freak. He threw great parties, though. As for me, I've been on my own for about five thousand years, give or take. My last relationship ended pretty badly. Besides, when the only people who remember your existence are a little band of goblins, your dating prospects are rather slim, if you know what I mean?

EM: Five thousand years??? Good Lord, man! Whoops. I mean god. Good Lord,... god? Well that's... ha! Yeah... Okay, my producer tells me we're running short on time here, but I can't let you go before I ask you about your new project. What's in store for the goblin gang next? Has Jim dropped any hints around the set? Have you seen the finished script?

TYMALOUS: I've seen bits and pieces. You know how it is with trilogies, of course. Bigger stakes, bigger payoff, and all that good stuff. Not to mention a bigger special effects budget. Jim has been talking about getting the goblins out of their mountain and into the world. I'm also told we may learn something about Jig's parentage. Personally, I'm hoping Hines will take a page from Pirates of the Carribean, and Jig's father will turn out to be Keith Richards. Wouldn't that be a fun twist?

EM: Ha! You know, I do see the resemblance, now that you mention it... But do you think you're finally going to get that higher page count, Tym? I'm pulling for you, by the way. I love your work. I'm a huge fan. Really. And what about Jig? He's under an exclusive contract too, I believe. Will he be earning his keep this time around?

TYMALOUS: Jig's going to be pretty busy. I'm told Hines isn't planning any more goblin books for a while, and I think that's a good idea. If Jig doesn't get a vacation soon, I'm afraid he'll snap. He and Smudge have had a rough few years. As for me, every time I ask about getting more story time, he just chuckles and says something about being careful what you wish for.

EM: Okay! Well, sounds like some good news for Tymalous Shadowstar, the forgotten god making a giant comeback. You heard it here first, folks! And ladies, remember, he's been alone for five thousand years, so set up that home altar and say a prayer or two to this divine fellow with the disco ball shimmer. I'm sure he can make all your dating dreams come true!

Three... two... one... aaaaaaand... we're out. That's a wrap, you two. Great stuff.

EM: Thanks, Tym, that was terrific. Nice show today. Really nice.

TYMALOUS: Thank you, EM. It's great to get out of the temple and chat with someone whose idea of a good time doesn't involve a game of rakachak and hot rat dumplings from Golaka's kitchen. Speaking of which, do you mind if I swipe the chips and salsa from the green room?

EM: Um... I don't know. Hang on a sec. Larry? Hey, you there? Do we have someone else coming in this afternoon? Shadowstar wants the hospitality tray.

LARRY: Nope, that's it for today, EM.

EM: Okay, thanks. Sure, Tym, take it. Knock yourself out.

TYMALOUS: Excellent! You should taste what passes for goblin salsa. Though I have to say, the fire-spider eggs give it quite the kick. Anyway, best of luck with the show. I hear you had a death god on? I haven't talked to one of them in . . . well, it's been a long time. Good luck with the writing, too. If any of those editors need a good smiting, just give me a call.

----------------------------------------

A very special thanks to author Jim C. Hines for writing the part of Tymalous Shadowstar and graciously allowing his creation to appear here on Straight from the Barrel... Look for Shadowstar, Jig, and all my favorite goblin characters in the Goblin Adventure series: Goblin Quest and Goblin Hero, and stay tuned for updates on Goblin War, currently due to be released in March of 2008.

It has come to my attention that there are only two days left to order your signed copy of Thirteen (aka Black Man -- same book, different countries) over at The Signed Page.

The site is dedicated to author signatures, so that people who can't make it to author signings can still purchase autographed copies, even personalized to you!

Richard K. Morgan will be signing copies of Thirteen (and Black Man -- the site will carry both editions) on June 26, so if you want one, you'll need to order it soon.

I ordered one just to check out the system for you...

And, okay, because I wanted the book...

And, to be entirely honest, because Mr. Morgan's publicity manager has yet to write me back regarding my request for a review copy. Which I guess was a good decision since I just bought one. Damn my enthusiasm!

At any rate, shipping was a little steep, but then again, it was a heck of a lot cheaper than a plane ticket to the west coast for any of Mr. Morgan's July signing events. So check out The Signed Page, and look for more upcoming virtual signings to be announced in the July newsletter.

Hey, everybody. Great news! For everyone who's still stuck in an office cubicle, Fiction Fridays will be moving to Monday mornings. The newest release will be posted this coming Monday, just after midnight EST, so you'll have something to look forward to during your morning commute. Hail the valiant office champions!

(Better you than me. Been there, done that...)

The show will, of course, be needing a new name. Anyone? Anyone? I just finished a new story, and the creative half of my brain is completely fried...

In even better news, author Jim C. Hines will be joining us as a guest author this Monday morning!

Something got me wondering about Tymalous Shadowstar's first appearance on the show, so I made a couple of calls. It turns out he appeared on the show without the express permission of his PAROLE officer (the Preternatural Agency for Reality-based Orientations and Live Encounters). Jim Hines graciously offered to intervene with the Agency on our behalf, and has officially authorized Shadowstar's re-appearance in the agency-sanctioned interview that will go live on Monday morning.

Translation: Jim wrote Shadowstar's part for him. Woo-hoo!

So join us live on Monday morning for An Interview with Tymalous Shadowstar, Take Two. See you there!

I received a rejection letter in the mail today from Realms of Fantasy. Sadly, it was a "blue slip of death" -- a professionally impersonal form, blithely advising the writing hopeful that his or her work may or may not have been either grammatically horrific or as dull as shoe leather. It's worded more kindly than that, of course, but that's the gist of it.

Ah, well. I'll find the story a home somewhere... In the meantime, the blue slip got me thinking about a recent post by the Realms of Fantasy slushmaster. Apparently he once received a reply from a particularly cheeky bloke, essentially rejecting his rejection letter. I began to ponder what a rejection-letter-rejection form letter might look like...

So here it is, with no further ado,
The Aspiring Author's Form Letter for Rejecting Rejections:

Dear editor,

Thank you very much for considering EM Sky in your professional correspondence. Unfortunately, your rejection of our work does not suit our needs at this time.

Because of the large number of rejection letters we receive every month, we regret that we can not reply individually to each dismissal. However, the most common reasons for rejection letter rejection are: a lack of familiarity with our preferred rejection style, an unoriginal approach to the rejection genre, and an obvious failure to research our current acceptance needs.

Your rejection letter may or may not have fallen into one of these categories.

Again, thank you for thinking of us, and we hope you continue to enjoy our submissions.

Sincerely,
EM Sky
Author

The blog's been a bit light this week because things have been kind of crazy around here. Among various minor life "events," I've also been working away at a few pet projects, so stay tuned for some cool surprises in the near future...

Speaking of which, for all you speculative fiction authors out there, if you're running any cool contests or promotions in the month of July, now's the time to let me know. I'm putting together a new, expanded version of the newsletter, so there's plenty of room for everyone.

Get those news flashes in to me this week, and watch for the grand unveiling on July 1st!

I'm halfway through Sam Cheever's 'Tween Heaven and Hell, and so far I'm having a blast! Look for a full review in the July newsletter. (If you're not getting the newsletter, sign up now!)

In the meantime, here's a book trailer for you. (It doesn't give away the ending, but the plot points do range over almost half the book, so if you want to go in cold, you might want to wait for the release.) The book is launching in July, so stay tuned!

Yes, I want to watch that trailer!

I'm looking for a handful of people who would be willing to be on my critique list--people to take a look at short stories and/or chapters for me as they're finished for the purpose of giving me feedback. I have a few friends at the moment who do this for me, but most of them aren't either writers or particular fans of the speculative fiction genre, so their ability to give me strong feedback is limited.

I write a wide range of speculative fiction, from fantasy to science fiction. The sci-fi is not "hard sci-fi" but tends toward the "anthropological," more about people and culture than about any particular technology (although as in any science fiction, technology usually plays a certain role). My fantasy interests are somewhat far-flung, but there is a strong tendency toward sword-and-sorcery in my work to date.

I am trying hard to get published this year and could really use some enthusiastic readers, preferably strong speculative fiction fans who are highly familiar with the genre, to give me feedback and suggestions on my work. If you're interested in being on the list, just write to me and let me know!

EM: Welcome back to The Cobblestone Cafe! Apparently our little show is hitting it big with the Immortals because I'm here today in the EM Sky studios with the Angel of Death. Welcome, oh Magnificent One!

Angel of Death: Thank you, EM. I'm very glad to be here! But you can call me "Azrael." Please. The honorifics can be a bit over the top. Far too imposing. I'm trying to tone it down a bit, you know? Man of the people and all that.

EM: All right then Azrael, I have to ask: do you see any irony in the fact that you're appearing on the show live and in person?

Angel of Death: You mean because of the whole death thing?

EM: Yes, exactly.

Angel of Death: You know, I'm so glad you asked me that. Most people think I'm in charge of killing people, but that isn't my job at all. It's a terrible misunderstanding. I'm just in charge of easing the transition between the physical plane and the spiritual realm.

EM: But you dress in black, you carry that nasty sickle... Don't you think it's a little creepy?

Angel of Death: It's a scythe.

EM: What?

Angel of Death It's not a sickle, it's a scythe. Sickles have short handles. Scythes have long handles, so you can stand up a lot straighter and still mow the grain down low. Much easier on the back.

EM: Oh.

Angel of Death And it's for reaping grain, by the way, not for killing people. It's an agricultural tool. You know, so people can eat. Harvest the wheat. Feed the hungry.

EM: Okay.

Angel of Death: Look, it's a lousy PR problem, all right? Do I look like a Grim Reaper to you?

EM: Well, no... Folks, I know you can't see my friend Azrael here, but believe it or not, he's not what I expected. Sky blue robes, huge wings... Very pleasant to look at, I must say.

Angel of Death: Exactly. You're seeing my natural manifestation. That whole creepy, scary thing... It's just not me.

EM: But what about zombies, vampires... all that undead stuff? Aren't you in charge of that?

Angel of Death: First of all, when was the last time you saw a zombie in Georgia?

EM: Well...

Angel of Death: Exactly. It's pure Hollywood. I'm telling you, not my cup of tea. Besides, if there were any undead running around--and I can't say it's never happened... even in Universal terms, it's a rare event, but it happens--anyway it certainly wouldn't be my doing. Who do you think puts a stop to that kind of thing? Like any angel, I'm all about the natural order. Living stuff lives, dead stuff stays dead. It's that simple. That's my job.

EM: But if people all have a natural time of death...?

Angel of Death: Yeah, okay, I know where you're going with that. But it's not like anything could live forever. Without death, the plankton would take over the planet in a matter of months! Viruses... bacteria... You're not the only species on earth, you know. I do a lot more to preserve life than I do to end it.

EM: So you keep things going for the rest of us.

Angel of Death: Exactly! And I help clean up your messes, don't forget. Do you know how many earthworms die every time you put in a new shopping mall? Construction sites, road kill... no other species gives me half the trouble humans do.

EM: Um... sorry.

Angel of Death: Yeah, well, thank you. I'm not trying to gripe. I just get tired of the lousy press. When an entire species is terrified of you... come on. It would make anyone a little grouchy.

EM: Yeah, I could see that. But I don't see how that's going to change... I mean, death is a tough sell, don't you think?

Angel of Death: Maybe. But I like to think it's a marketing problem. Like you said, the dark robes, the scythe... It's lousy imagery. But at least I'm making some progress. Ruth Thompson, for example, has included me with the rest of the Archangels in her beautiful artwork. But it's tough to re-invent the image after so many years. I'm sure it will take some time...

EM: Well, good luck to you. I mean that.

Angel of Death: Thank you. I just wish people would embrace the new look. The sky blue robes to represent the heavenly realm... And I carry a dove of peace these days, not some crazy scythe. I mean hey, there was a time when it worked. People thought of the harvest, and times of plenty. But now farming is all tractors and corporate interests. No one knows what a scythe is anymore, so I switched to the dove. Seriously, I put a lot of thought into this stuff. If only people would pay attention...

EM: Well, you heard it here first, folks. The kinder, gentler Angel of Death. Sky blue robes and a dove of peace. A nice picture for a nice guy with a big heart.

Aaaaaaaand... three... two... one... We're out. That's a wrap. Great job, everybody.

Angel of Death: So seriously, thanks for having me on the show, EM.

EM: Hey, I thought it was great. And I love the new image! Sky blue robes and a dove of peace, that's classic stuff! Beautiful!

Angel of Death: Well, that's one person, at least!

EM: Hey, you'll get there.

Angel of Death: Thanks! I hope so.

EM: One thing though.

Angel of Death: Yeah? What's that?

EM: Listen Azrael, you see my name on that list any time soon, you just scratch it off and move it down a bit, will you? Nothing obvious, you know, nothing that would get you into any trouble. Just a touch of white-out. Maybe an extra decade or two... Better yet, I wouldn't mind seeing the dawn of one more century. What do you say? I don't think Anyone Important would notice...

Angel of Death: I'll see what I can do.

The two women I'd like to introduce this evening write speculative romance novels--that's right, romance and sci-fi/fantasy rolled into one. If you have any interest in romance novels and you haven't dabbled in the speculative side of the genre, you have no idea what you're missing. Ladies, I have to tell you, when it comes to sexy imagination, it doesn't get more fun that this!

Rowena Cherry

Meet Rowena Cherry. Her most recent book, Insufficient Mating Material, hit the U.S. shelves in February and is due out soon in the U.K. as well. The release date is running a bit behind due to its wildly popular sales here in the U.S., but Ms. Cherry assures me that the U.K. copies are on their way. (Sorry, folks, but we got this one first!) Preorder in the U.K. at Waterstone's or buy it today on Amazon U.S.)

Forced Mate, the first in the series, can be found on both Amazon in the U.K. and on Amazon in the U.S. The author recommends reading this one first, which is always my personal recommendation! My copies are on the way so look for reviews of both books to show up here soon!

Sam Cheever

Meet Sam Cheever. Her novel 'Tween Heaven and Hell is due out in July. I'm reading a review copy right now, and I'm just loving it. (Look for a full review in the July newsletter!) As soon as I have purchasing info, I'll let you know. In the meantime, you can get your own sneak preview of both this novel and the upcoming 'Tween a Devil and His Hard Place (LOL, nice!) by reading the excerpts on Ms. Cheever's website!

If you haven't been to Author Island, pack your bags and get ready for some high adventure! There's book booty lying all over the place!

Among the FIFTEEN contests & book giveaways currently posted, you'll find Jacqueline Carey's newest release, Kushiel's Justice. It's the highlight on the blog this month, so I had to let you know about this fantastic chance to win a free copy! They have FIVE to give away, but winners will be drawn by July 8 so if you want to be in the lottery, enter today! (Click on the link, then scroll down the page for the Kushiel's Justice contest!)

Or if you're too excited to wait, buy a copy of your own from Amazon. It's available NOW!

A special birthday shout-out thank you to:

Dwayne Melancon of Genuine Curiosity

Phil Gerbyshak of Make It Great

Darling Mitchums of aMusing my Genius

You're the best! The cards are wonderful!

Check out this awesome You Tube video by Rowena Cherry, author of Insufficient Mating Material. (It's a bit racy in the middle, if you want to wait until the kids have left the room...) OMG I laughed my butt off.

The Silent Blade is being re-released this month in a brand new, deluxe hardcover edition, complete with a new Todd Lockwood cover. This is Drizzt volume number eleven, originally published in 1998. The book is scheduled for a June 19 release, but author R.A. Salvatore is taking pre-orders on his website for signed editions.

Signed editions!

That's right, order a signed copy and R.A. Salvatore will autograph it and send it on its way. The signing will be soon after the 19th, so if you want one of these special copies, don't delay!

You can even order your very own personalized message! I already ordered mine as a special birthday present to myself. What's it going to say?

"EM - Happy Birthday! I'll save some shelf space for you..."

By the way, my birthday is on Tuesday. E-cards, postcards, and birthday llamas will be greatly appreciated.

This is Steven's daughter, Taylor. She loves her Webkinz and spent a good bit of the afternoon glued to my laptop, creating an environment for her new birthday pets.

This is Steven's son, Triston. He got a little carried away with the sunscreen--said he was turning into Iceman. The hands in the photo weren't the half of it.