EM: Welcome back to The Cobblestone Cafe! Apparently our little show is hitting it big with the Immortals because I'm here today in the EM Sky studios with the Angel of Death. Welcome, oh Magnificent One!

Angel of Death: Thank you, EM. I'm very glad to be here! But you can call me "Azrael." Please. The honorifics can be a bit over the top. Far too imposing. I'm trying to tone it down a bit, you know? Man of the people and all that.

EM: All right then Azrael, I have to ask: do you see any irony in the fact that you're appearing on the show live and in person?

Angel of Death: You mean because of the whole death thing?

EM: Yes, exactly.

Angel of Death: You know, I'm so glad you asked me that. Most people think I'm in charge of killing people, but that isn't my job at all. It's a terrible misunderstanding. I'm just in charge of easing the transition between the physical plane and the spiritual realm.

EM: But you dress in black, you carry that nasty sickle... Don't you think it's a little creepy?

Angel of Death: It's a scythe.

EM: What?

Angel of Death It's not a sickle, it's a scythe. Sickles have short handles. Scythes have long handles, so you can stand up a lot straighter and still mow the grain down low. Much easier on the back.

EM: Oh.

Angel of Death And it's for reaping grain, by the way, not for killing people. It's an agricultural tool. You know, so people can eat. Harvest the wheat. Feed the hungry.

EM: Okay.

Angel of Death: Look, it's a lousy PR problem, all right? Do I look like a Grim Reaper to you?

EM: Well, no... Folks, I know you can't see my friend Azrael here, but believe it or not, he's not what I expected. Sky blue robes, huge wings... Very pleasant to look at, I must say.

Angel of Death: Exactly. You're seeing my natural manifestation. That whole creepy, scary thing... It's just not me.

EM: But what about zombies, vampires... all that undead stuff? Aren't you in charge of that?

Angel of Death: First of all, when was the last time you saw a zombie in Georgia?

EM: Well...

Angel of Death: Exactly. It's pure Hollywood. I'm telling you, not my cup of tea. Besides, if there were any undead running around--and I can't say it's never happened... even in Universal terms, it's a rare event, but it happens--anyway it certainly wouldn't be my doing. Who do you think puts a stop to that kind of thing? Like any angel, I'm all about the natural order. Living stuff lives, dead stuff stays dead. It's that simple. That's my job.

EM: But if people all have a natural time of death...?

Angel of Death: Yeah, okay, I know where you're going with that. But it's not like anything could live forever. Without death, the plankton would take over the planet in a matter of months! Viruses... bacteria... You're not the only species on earth, you know. I do a lot more to preserve life than I do to end it.

EM: So you keep things going for the rest of us.

Angel of Death: Exactly! And I help clean up your messes, don't forget. Do you know how many earthworms die every time you put in a new shopping mall? Construction sites, road kill... no other species gives me half the trouble humans do.

EM: Um... sorry.

Angel of Death: Yeah, well, thank you. I'm not trying to gripe. I just get tired of the lousy press. When an entire species is terrified of you... come on. It would make anyone a little grouchy.

EM: Yeah, I could see that. But I don't see how that's going to change... I mean, death is a tough sell, don't you think?

Angel of Death: Maybe. But I like to think it's a marketing problem. Like you said, the dark robes, the scythe... It's lousy imagery. But at least I'm making some progress. Ruth Thompson, for example, has included me with the rest of the Archangels in her beautiful artwork. But it's tough to re-invent the image after so many years. I'm sure it will take some time...

EM: Well, good luck to you. I mean that.

Angel of Death: Thank you. I just wish people would embrace the new look. The sky blue robes to represent the heavenly realm... And I carry a dove of peace these days, not some crazy scythe. I mean hey, there was a time when it worked. People thought of the harvest, and times of plenty. But now farming is all tractors and corporate interests. No one knows what a scythe is anymore, so I switched to the dove. Seriously, I put a lot of thought into this stuff. If only people would pay attention...

EM: Well, you heard it here first, folks. The kinder, gentler Angel of Death. Sky blue robes and a dove of peace. A nice picture for a nice guy with a big heart.

Aaaaaaaand... three... two... one... We're out. That's a wrap. Great job, everybody.

Angel of Death: So seriously, thanks for having me on the show, EM.

EM: Hey, I thought it was great. And I love the new image! Sky blue robes and a dove of peace, that's classic stuff! Beautiful!

Angel of Death: Well, that's one person, at least!

EM: Hey, you'll get there.

Angel of Death: Thanks! I hope so.

EM: One thing though.

Angel of Death: Yeah? What's that?

EM: Listen Azrael, you see my name on that list any time soon, you just scratch it off and move it down a bit, will you? Nothing obvious, you know, nothing that would get you into any trouble. Just a touch of white-out. Maybe an extra decade or two... Better yet, I wouldn't mind seeing the dawn of one more century. What do you say? I don't think Anyone Important would notice...

Angel of Death: I'll see what I can do.