I received a rejection letter in the mail today from Realms of Fantasy. Sadly, it was a "blue slip of death" -- a professionally impersonal form, blithely advising the writing hopeful that his or her work may or may not have been either grammatically horrific or as dull as shoe leather. It's worded more kindly than that, of course, but that's the gist of it.

Ah, well. I'll find the story a home somewhere... In the meantime, the blue slip got me thinking about a recent post by the Realms of Fantasy slushmaster. Apparently he once received a reply from a particularly cheeky bloke, essentially rejecting his rejection letter. I began to ponder what a rejection-letter-rejection form letter might look like...

So here it is, with no further ado,
The Aspiring Author's Form Letter for Rejecting Rejections:

Dear editor,

Thank you very much for considering EM Sky in your professional correspondence. Unfortunately, your rejection of our work does not suit our needs at this time.

Because of the large number of rejection letters we receive every month, we regret that we can not reply individually to each dismissal. However, the most common reasons for rejection letter rejection are: a lack of familiarity with our preferred rejection style, an unoriginal approach to the rejection genre, and an obvious failure to research our current acceptance needs.

Your rejection letter may or may not have fallen into one of these categories.

Again, thank you for thinking of us, and we hope you continue to enjoy our submissions.

Sincerely,
EM Sky
Author